Introspective & Self-Criticizing

Do you ever have those days when you are introspective? No, that's not the word.  Do you ever have those days when you are self-critical?  Days when you analyze every aspect of yourself?

I had one of those days today...

Why doesn't that person want to be my friend?
Why am I not loyal enough?
Why do I continually make wrong choices?
Why am I not a better Christian?
Why do I let that one friend hurt my feelings over and over and over again?
Why do I focus on the most unimportant thing instead of my child who is standing right in front of my?
Why does it feel the like everyone around me is living the most amazing, community filled life, while I feel lonely?
What is wrong with me?

Seriously, I hate these days!

And, as I self-inspect (self-criticize) further I realize that every flaw that I have contributes to every question I ask about myself.

But then I remember the verses I read earlier this week out of Matthew 8.  As I inspect further I know that what I want in life is to be the kind of person who has faith like the Roman officer who asks Jesus to heal his servant.  He tells Jesus that he doesn't need to come to his house, but that he knows if Jesus will speak the word it will be done.  And, here's the part I long for...Matthew 8:10 says, "When Jesus heard this He was amazed."

Can you imagine having the kind of heart and faith that Jesus is AMAZED by?????

So, on the days when I am wondering...

When will I feel like I belong here?

I pray that Matthew 8:10 will come to my mind and I will stop self-criticizing and begin to live to try to amaze the ONLY one who's opinion matters in the light of eternity.

I'm Semi-Sweet

I had a crazy past seven days. Here's what I realized/experienced during this whirlwind week:

1. I used to be a sugary-sweet, people pleasing, co-dependent. I can no longer be described that way. I am healing. I am now a semi-sweet, people LOVING, God-dependent person.

2. The mask I used to wear to hide my emotions no longer fits my face. I am so so so glad!

3. Seeing a baby being born is one of the most beautiful sights EVER!

4. I love the people God has placed in my life with all my heart...friends, family, co-workers, neighbors...they profoundly affect me.

5. My husband choosing to buy me Bon Jovi tickets over getting new tires for his truck made me feel like a princess.

6. When I put my mind to it I can get a lot accomplished in a short amount of time.

7. When someone does something that hurts my kids it absolutely breaks my heart and, shamefully, makes me want to go after that person with a vengeance!!!

and,

8. I realized how far God has brought me...but I also saw how incredibly far I still have to go. I'm excited to see the work He has planned to do in my heart!!!!