Introspective & Self-Criticizing

Do you ever have those days when you are introspective? No, that's not the word.  Do you ever have those days when you are self-critical?  Days when you analyze every aspect of yourself?

I had one of those days today...

Why doesn't that person want to be my friend?
Why am I not loyal enough?
Why do I continually make wrong choices?
Why am I not a better Christian?
Why do I let that one friend hurt my feelings over and over and over again?
Why do I focus on the most unimportant thing instead of my child who is standing right in front of my?
Why does it feel the like everyone around me is living the most amazing, community filled life, while I feel lonely?
What is wrong with me?

Seriously, I hate these days!

And, as I self-inspect (self-criticize) further I realize that every flaw that I have contributes to every question I ask about myself.

But then I remember the verses I read earlier this week out of Matthew 8.  As I inspect further I know that what I want in life is to be the kind of person who has faith like the Roman officer who asks Jesus to heal his servant.  He tells Jesus that he doesn't need to come to his house, but that he knows if Jesus will speak the word it will be done.  And, here's the part I long for...Matthew 8:10 says, "When Jesus heard this He was amazed."

Can you imagine having the kind of heart and faith that Jesus is AMAZED by?????

So, on the days when I am wondering...

When will I feel like I belong here?

I pray that Matthew 8:10 will come to my mind and I will stop self-criticizing and begin to live to try to amaze the ONLY one who's opinion matters in the light of eternity.

A BlackBerry Perspective

Christmas and the end of 2009 was a very fun time for our family.  The only problem is that just about the only pictures I took were on my phone!  So, excuse the poor quality of the pics.  They are all I've got :)

Sam was in his very last preschool Christmas program.  He was such a ham.  We loved watching him perform.  I was am so sad that he is growing up so quickly!

Our church family spent a night together helping a local charity put together bikes and trikes and big wheels for boys and girls for Christmas.  This night was a highlight of our Christmas holiday.  I love being able to give to others along side the people we do life with.  Such a blessing!

Sam got a MUCH needed new coat and was very proud of it!

These were Emma's new slippers that she got to wear to "Pajama Day" at school.  She was thrilled with them!

Rhoda and I tried our hand at making wedding bouquets.  It was a lot of fun, a new experience and turned out pretty well.  I'm very excited to see what 2010 has to bring for our business Happy Hearts!

At the afore mentioned wedding event I got a flat tire!  It took us three days to get a new tire on and get everything squared away!  I was sooooo thankful that I have a husband who takes care of me and makes sure our cars are taken care of too!

It snowed on Christmas Eve here in TX!  The kids were sooooooo excited.  Emma could not wait to get outside and catch snowflakes with her tongue.

Sadly, this is one of the only pictures I took on Christmas morning.  What was I thinking????  We had a really nice day together.  Sam was modeling some glasses that came with his new Nerf gun stuff.  The fire was roaring all day, there was snow on the ground and apple cider warm on the stove.  It was a wonderful day!

On Christmas afternoon some close friends came over for dinner, playing games and enjoying the holiday together.  The turkey was soooooo good!  We had such an easy and comfortable time.  So thankful for where we are at and the people we are surrounded by!

On Dec. 27th we embarked on a trip to Arizona to see Nana.  It was a two day drive.  We enjoyed our most favorite road trip treat....Dairy Queen!

FINALLY we got to Arizona!

There were more ice cream treats to be eaten in Arizona!

There were amazing sunsets to be seen!

There were amazing views from my mom's condo to enjoy.

So, there you have it.  The end of 2009 from the perspective of my BlackBerry!  I am resolving to use a real camera a lot more in 2010!

The Poof Instructions

I just came across a new blog today.  This video CRACKED ME UP!!!!  It is so Southern, so me!  I LOVE it!  I wish I knew these sisters!  We would be friends for sure!!!!!


Poofing from Jennifer Francis on Vimeo.

This weekend was life changing for me.

My flaws were exposed.

My emotions were numb yet on heightened alert.

I was broken.

I was forgiven.

I was shown grace and mercy.

My commitment to do what God has called me to do and be was renewed.

'nuf said

Thankful

It's Thanksgiving morning. There is a lot of cooking, parade watching, turkey grilling and great smells being experienced in our house.

I have so many things to be immensely thankful for. God has done an amazing work in my life and in the life of my family over the last year! But before I spread all my Thanksgiving cheer I want to say one thing...

On just about every holiday I fight fight fight the urge to become nostalgic and think about the people I love who are not with us on that particular day. I miss my dad with my whole heart, I wish my mom, brother and I lived closer, I hope for the day I get to spend a holiday with Mea & Pal again.

I have always longed for those holidays where the house is full of my family, Erik's family, our family.

But, for many different and very complicated reasons we now find ourselves spending most holidays without our family of origins.

An amazing thing has happened though...an amazing thing! God has always, no matter where we are, blessed us with friends who feel like (who are) family. He has brought people into our lives who love us and who we love. They take us in, we take them in, and holidays become about family again.

So, today we are going over to the Sanchez' house. We are going to laugh, eat a lot and know that God has blessed us over and above...beyond measure!

I will wait for the day when my mom and brother are out of school and can travel on the holidays. I will wait for the day when we can financially afford to travel to them. I will remember my dad's laugh and how much he loved pecan pie. I know that in years to come my house (or their homes) will be bustling and filled with laughter, filled with family who adore each other.

Today I will focus on the AMAZING friends who have become family. Today I will know that my family has grown over the last few years and that God has brought these people into my life to sharpen me. They make me a better mom, wife and friend. I am so very thankful for that!

So, on to my Thankful List...

Today I am thanking God that...

• I have a home that is really home to me. I love it! I am THANKFUL!!!!!!!
• My family is together, we are re-discovering laughter in our home and we have found a brand new, over-the-top, amazing kind of normal this past year. I am THANKFUL!!!!!!!
• God speaks to my heart everyday about His love for me, His grace for me, His mercy for me. He has changed me. He has removed the masks I hid behind and is replacing my hurts with compassion for the hurting. HE is amazing!!!!! I am THANKFUL!!!!!!!
• I have a husband who is my personal hero. He has fought and fought and, when he was down, fought some more to make a life for our family in the midst of adversity. Erik has stood at the bow of our "ship" and steered us to a place of blessing. I am THANKFUL!!!!!!!
• Cross Timbers is my church home. I have found a place of belonging. I have found people who love me for me...regardless of my flaws and my junk...they see me as an amazing creation whom God is healing and restoring. I am THANKFUL!!!!!!!
• My mom loves me no matter what. She is a voice of encouragement no matter what. She supports me in all I do...200%! I am THANKFUL!!!!!!!
• My daughter has a contagious laugh and loves to love people. She is creative. She is meticulous. She is SMART. She is a joy and a light in my life. I am THANKFUL!!!!!!!
• My son is affectionate. He is funny. He saves me kisses. He has a strength that I can already see, even at 4. I am THANKFUL!!!!!!!

I am blessed.

I'm Semi-Sweet

I had a crazy past seven days. Here's what I realized/experienced during this whirlwind week:

1. I used to be a sugary-sweet, people pleasing, co-dependent. I can no longer be described that way. I am healing. I am now a semi-sweet, people LOVING, God-dependent person.

2. The mask I used to wear to hide my emotions no longer fits my face. I am so so so glad!

3. Seeing a baby being born is one of the most beautiful sights EVER!

4. I love the people God has placed in my life with all my heart...friends, family, co-workers, neighbors...they profoundly affect me.

5. My husband choosing to buy me Bon Jovi tickets over getting new tires for his truck made me feel like a princess.

6. When I put my mind to it I can get a lot accomplished in a short amount of time.

7. When someone does something that hurts my kids it absolutely breaks my heart and, shamefully, makes me want to go after that person with a vengeance!!!

and,

8. I realized how far God has brought me...but I also saw how incredibly far I still have to go. I'm excited to see the work He has planned to do in my heart!!!!

Sonic & Horton Hears a Who Make it all Better

Yesterday the weather was amazing!!!! The sun was shining, there was a light breeze...it was Texas at it's finest.

Sam decided to go outside and play a little football. Nothing could make us happier, so to the backyard he went.

About 30 minutes later I heard a piercing scream, which I just KNEW meant we would be taking a trip to the hospital.

Erik got to Sam first. Sam quickly explained that he had been running with the football, tripped and fell head-first into the brick retaining wall that is behind our house. From the looks of it he "caught" himself with his eye.

Poor baby! (By the way...the picture doesn't do it justice)It took all of 5 seconds for me to decide that we were heading to urgent care. His eye immediately began to swell and I immediately began to panic. As we drove there we called Jenn, our pediatrician's wife, who helped calm me down. From talking to her and being reassured that we would be getting a call from the doctor shortly we decided that a treat from Sonic was more in order.

The doctor called a little later to check on Sam. His head hurt most of the night...but with the help of tylenol, an ice pack and "Horton Hears a Who" we were able to keep it under control.

His eye looks pretty nasty this morning, but I'm so thankful because it could have been so much worse!

So, we are past the very first football injury. Any chance that will be the last????