There is a book called "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. It helps you figure out how you best receive love and how you can best love your mate. I have never been completely sure about how I best receive love...until last night. My heart just soared at my son complimenting me. Then I remembered other times he has told me how much he loves me or my cooking and how I can live on that compliment for days.
Here is how the book describes this love language...
Words of Affirmation
Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important–hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.
So, I was thinking about all of this today....Thinking about the class I am teaching on the book by Beth Moore, So Long Insecurity....How does it all fit together? How can I be a secure person, but still have a need to be affirmed by other people at such a deep level? Isn't that an insecurity?
Well...here's what I've come up with...
Feeling loved when my spouse (or someone else) praises me or tells me they love me is a good thing.
Depending on someone's affirmation to feel good about who I am in this world is not ok.
It's a fine line, isn't it?
It's the part about the insults that really gets me. Chapman says, "Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten." That is so true for me.
Someone once said to me..."What you just said brought no value to this conversation." What I heard was...You are not valuable.
Someone once said to me..."You don't have a clue what you're talking about!" What I heard was...You're dumb.
So, what do I do with insults? How do I cope???
Well...I cope by taking the words that are not affirming before the Lord. I ask God if those words / that message lines up with HIS truth. If it doesn't then I try so very hard to discard the words. I work to take every thought captive. I focus on only thinking on things that are lovely and pure and true. I need to focus on what HE says about me.
When I'm not getting the words of affirmation that my soul longs for from the relationships in my life then I have to make a choice to go to the Lord and ask Him to remind me who HE says I am.
That is when I am secure...when my heart is full because I know my identity in Christ. I am secure when HIS voice is louder than any other voice in my life...when HIS affirmation is what I long for.
How about you, what is your love language? How do you cope when you are not receiving love in that way?
First of all, I am really mad that someone said you "brought no value to a conversation." I really value your insight and believe that you have so much wisdom to offer in what you say. :)
ReplyDeleteSecond, I think I'm a words of affirmation girl. I remember, when I was little, I would ask my mom, "Mom, was I a big help today?" It sounds silly, but I still love to hear her or Jason or even the kids say, "You were so much help. I couldn't have done it without you." However, I feel like Acts of Service comes in a close second. (Is that possible?!)
I really found that reading that book was extremely helpful to me. I've also started reading The Five Love Languages of Children which is also pretty cool. Thanks for the great post!