Sometimes the definition of discipline for me is simply keeping my mouth shut.


There are so many times, especially with the immediate gratification of social media, that I absolutely want to blast someone or share the exact thing that is driving me crazy at that moment on twitter or facebook.  But, for the most part, I use my better judgement, exercise discipline and restrain from giving into the temptation to either be negative or to say too much.


Proverbs 10:19 says:


¹⁹ Too much talk leads to sin.
      Be sensible and keep your mouth shut.


I pray daily that God would give me His wisdom and show me when to speak and when to stay quiet.

‎"We must all suffer from one of two pains: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret. The difference is discipline weighs ounces and regret weighs tons." ~Twelve Pillars


I have been doing a ton of soul searching over the last two weeks.  I vacillate between wanting to understand why I fight discipline and wanting to just forget about the why and get on with it.  The conclusion? They both are important.  I need to know the why so that when the journey feels impossible I can be prepared and understand what I'm facing.  I need to just get on with it because the procrastinating side of myself could stay in the why forever.


So, here is what discipline means to me:
- Delayed gratification
- Choosing what is best for me in the long run, while sacrificing what feels good in the moment
- Becoming exactly who God has truly created me to be
- Knowing my priorities and actually living them out


Here's the bottom line truth.  I can have good intentions all day long about who I intend to be, what I intend to do and how I intend to live my life.  But, until I begin to turn those intentions into actions they mean NOTHING.  I don't want to be the person who always intended to have a good relationship with my family but time got away from me.  I don't want to be the person who intended to be organized and on top of life but always said I'd start tomorrow.  I don't want to be the person who ends up missing out on the BEST life has to offer because something just GOOD or OK came along today.


So, what does this all mean???  It means I'm focusing more on actions and less on intentions.  It means that I am breaking free of settling for GOOD and reaching for God's best.  It means all the little choices I make everyday add up to the big picture of my life.  I know what that picture could like...now I'm going to make my actions line up with my intentions and actually live the picture out!

More Than 140 Characters

It's been nine months since my last blog entry.

Sad.

I think social media has replaced my need to blog.  But, just recently, I have felt the need to say more than 140 characters on twitter.

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Life is very good.

First day of school

Emma and Sam have started school.  

Emma's first day of 3rd grade

Emma is in third grade.  Her teacher's name is Ms. Guillory.  Ms. Guillory smiles a lot and describes her class as dreamy and squishy.  So cute!

Sam's first day of kindergarten

Sam is in kindergarten.  His teacher's name is Mrs. Davis.  She is exactly what every kindergarten teacher should be...pretty...sweet...soft-spoken, yet firm.  She sent me an email telling me how proud I should be that I have a son like Sam. I am.

I am still working at Cross Timbers as one of the counseling pastors.  My hours have gone from 20/week to approximately 25 - 30.

Erik is still working at Cross Timbers as well.  He is soaring.  I am so proud of him.  He is the hardest worker I have ever known.  I love his strength of character and am very thankful for him.

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Being a working mom is truly one of the biggest challenges and life changes I've ever encountered.  I'm trying to figure out how to juggle my time and give my all to my family, while still being present for work.  I'm having a hard time learning how to take care of my family's needs while still making time to take care of myself.  I desperately need to know how to push really hard when I need to push hard and relax hard when I need to relax.  If the truth be told, I don't feel like I'm doing any part of life well.

These last few weeks I have had my thoughts set on discipline and what that word means and looks like in my life.  I need to figure out why I struggle against discipline.  What is it about me that wants to rebel against the walls of a structured life?  Why do I feel so suffocated by what is the best thing for me?

In my search for answers I have really pushed into the idea that I need to change at more than a behavior level.  I need to change at a belief and identity level.  Somewhere along the way I have believed a lie about myself or about God that causes me to chose self destruction over health.  I am on a mission to discover the what, when, why and how about what I believe and then to ask God to replace that lie with HIS truth.

So, that is the journey I am on.  

I have decided to blog about it because:

1.  I want some accountability.

2.  Someone out there might be on the same journey and realize they are not alone

3.  Someday I want to look back and see how far I have come.

So, how about you?  Any thoughts on discipline?  Do you live a disciplined life?  If so, where does that come from inside of you?  If not, why not?

Introspective & Self-Criticizing

Do you ever have those days when you are introspective? No, that's not the word.  Do you ever have those days when you are self-critical?  Days when you analyze every aspect of yourself?

I had one of those days today...

Why doesn't that person want to be my friend?
Why am I not loyal enough?
Why do I continually make wrong choices?
Why am I not a better Christian?
Why do I let that one friend hurt my feelings over and over and over again?
Why do I focus on the most unimportant thing instead of my child who is standing right in front of my?
Why does it feel the like everyone around me is living the most amazing, community filled life, while I feel lonely?
What is wrong with me?

Seriously, I hate these days!

And, as I self-inspect (self-criticize) further I realize that every flaw that I have contributes to every question I ask about myself.

But then I remember the verses I read earlier this week out of Matthew 8.  As I inspect further I know that what I want in life is to be the kind of person who has faith like the Roman officer who asks Jesus to heal his servant.  He tells Jesus that he doesn't need to come to his house, but that he knows if Jesus will speak the word it will be done.  And, here's the part I long for...Matthew 8:10 says, "When Jesus heard this He was amazed."

Can you imagine having the kind of heart and faith that Jesus is AMAZED by?????

So, on the days when I am wondering...

When will I feel like I belong here?

I pray that Matthew 8:10 will come to my mind and I will stop self-criticizing and begin to live to try to amaze the ONLY one who's opinion matters in the light of eternity.

A BlackBerry Perspective

Christmas and the end of 2009 was a very fun time for our family.  The only problem is that just about the only pictures I took were on my phone!  So, excuse the poor quality of the pics.  They are all I've got :)

Sam was in his very last preschool Christmas program.  He was such a ham.  We loved watching him perform.  I was am so sad that he is growing up so quickly!

Our church family spent a night together helping a local charity put together bikes and trikes and big wheels for boys and girls for Christmas.  This night was a highlight of our Christmas holiday.  I love being able to give to others along side the people we do life with.  Such a blessing!

Sam got a MUCH needed new coat and was very proud of it!

These were Emma's new slippers that she got to wear to "Pajama Day" at school.  She was thrilled with them!

Rhoda and I tried our hand at making wedding bouquets.  It was a lot of fun, a new experience and turned out pretty well.  I'm very excited to see what 2010 has to bring for our business Happy Hearts!

At the afore mentioned wedding event I got a flat tire!  It took us three days to get a new tire on and get everything squared away!  I was sooooo thankful that I have a husband who takes care of me and makes sure our cars are taken care of too!

It snowed on Christmas Eve here in TX!  The kids were sooooooo excited.  Emma could not wait to get outside and catch snowflakes with her tongue.

Sadly, this is one of the only pictures I took on Christmas morning.  What was I thinking????  We had a really nice day together.  Sam was modeling some glasses that came with his new Nerf gun stuff.  The fire was roaring all day, there was snow on the ground and apple cider warm on the stove.  It was a wonderful day!

On Christmas afternoon some close friends came over for dinner, playing games and enjoying the holiday together.  The turkey was soooooo good!  We had such an easy and comfortable time.  So thankful for where we are at and the people we are surrounded by!

On Dec. 27th we embarked on a trip to Arizona to see Nana.  It was a two day drive.  We enjoyed our most favorite road trip treat....Dairy Queen!

FINALLY we got to Arizona!

There were more ice cream treats to be eaten in Arizona!

There were amazing sunsets to be seen!

There were amazing views from my mom's condo to enjoy.

So, there you have it.  The end of 2009 from the perspective of my BlackBerry!  I am resolving to use a real camera a lot more in 2010!

The Poof Instructions

I just came across a new blog today.  This video CRACKED ME UP!!!!  It is so Southern, so me!  I LOVE it!  I wish I knew these sisters!  We would be friends for sure!!!!!


Poofing from Jennifer Francis on Vimeo.

This weekend was life changing for me.

My flaws were exposed.

My emotions were numb yet on heightened alert.

I was broken.

I was forgiven.

I was shown grace and mercy.

My commitment to do what God has called me to do and be was renewed.

'nuf said