These last two weeks have been an absolute whirlwind for me.  My feet hit the floor and I am running until the kids go to bed at night.

Today I find myself feeling overwhelmed (and yes, that is a HUGE understatement!).  So, I closed my office door, turned off the lights, lit a candle and decided to write on my blog.

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I have come to believe over the last month that an enormous part of having self-discipline is exercising self-care.

In other words, I have to care about myself enough to do the things my body needs to be healthy, to do the things my spirit needs to thrive, and to do the things my mind needs to be calm and focused.

As I have been thinking about why I have been so bad at self-care I have come to the conclusion that it has something to do with self-esteem and self-value.  Let me explain...

I told a story in Bible study yesterday.  It was a story about my life.  It was a story that I hadn't thought about for years.  It was the story of how I found out that my dad had died.  It's not a pretty story.  I wasn't there with him.  I didn't get to say goodbye.  It wasn't sweet or peaceful or comforting.  Maybe someday I'll tell on my blog how it all went down, but for now, I'll say this....as I was telling the story to the ladies in my group God spoke a revelation to my heart.  He said, "That's when you believed the lie that said you don't matter."

What??????

Really?????

And then it all came flooding in...that's when I bought into the lie...that's when I let myself believe that I come last.  That's when I believed that other people's time, emotions, money, perspective, you name it is more important.  That's when I began down the dangerous path of not giving credence to what made me healthy.  That's when I believed I didn't matter.

I know...I know...It's twisted...I have a fabulous family.  I have wonderful friends who believe in me and cherish me.  But...But...But...I still believed the lie.  And boy has that lie screwed things up!

Don't get me wrong, I don't let just anybody know I feel this way.  I wear a great mask...and that's a whole other issue for a whole other day!

So, what do I do with all this information????

I'm still working on that.  I know that I matter to God.  I know He adores me.  Now I have to live like I BELIEVE that! I have to see the world through the lense that says...I am a child of God...I will take care of myself so that I can be all that He has called me to be...He wants me to do that!

This journey is not easy.  In fact, self-evaluation is hard.  It is stirring up things in me that I haven't had stirred in a long long time.  But, it is a good journey.  I am thankful for the truth God is speaking to my heart.  Now, it is my job to act on that truth.

So,

What is God speaking to you about today?